M
orfeo calmly steered me towards calmer waters. The night has wiped out (although not totally) the emotional storm of yesterday afternoon. Can a mistake, triggering a vortex of fear so overwhelming? And fear of what may result from it is that will really cause the collapse of certainties, that bit of self-esteem gained so far? Anything is possible if the person referred to is called Enzo. I wonder if and how much I like self-whip, calling me a moron, imagine doomsday scenarios. All for one mistake. My emotions always follow a path all together. You know the domino? There. Given the boost to the first piece and all others will fall hopelessly. I am so. Back then topical theme of the inability to retain (or at least regulate) emotional inside the circle of my poor left hemisphere. Hours and hours of unpaid overtime, exhausting shifts while beyond, on the other hand, the reason often blissfully in panciolle turns thumbs. Then I, I'm not ashamed to externalize my weaknesses with others. I say, almost with pride that I feel, with the resulting risk the usual image of the mature 42-year-old totally devoid of attributes. Today, I received some reassurance but I felt the need to communicate what I take to heart some responsibility. Heard voices and a few jokes here and there I have triggered the suspicion that what I have told in private to those who had, was then spread broadband. It still does not worry about it, maybe even bragging. I do not know what that is nowadays to be sensitive and do not hide their emotions. The stereotype would be a more mature man, at least according to silly beliefs of the masses. But in an environment which is the work you do not choose the people around you. And you must be lucky if those people do not fall into the category of the usual indifferent from the easy cliché. In short, the crux of the matter is then always the same: hurt me. And this does not go well at all. Steps then the commitment, the sense of responsibility, dedication stoic and passes the availability and solidarity. But at one point that "domino" must be stopped. This reason-emotion balance continues to tilt too far from the usual part. I know they are content with frequency and tumbler slavishly, and I know that if I'm here to talk about it, I have not found a straight. It probably will not find, but often enough for me to be here, to slide everything into words, phrases, articles to feel better. But reality is reality, I try again to say: "I have to do something."
0 comments:
Post a Comment